Crazy or Beautiful?
“In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent decision that you have to make, about every twenty minutes… You have to go ‘Oh my god! Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world?’” – David Cross
This quote is a reminder of my days in New York City. In no particular order, here is a selection of six typical odd balls you may come in contact with on the streets of NYC on a regular basis.
It is no secret that The Sleeper is tired. He does not care where he is going to sleep and what his bed will consist of church steps, parks, underground tunnels and subway seats, which seem to be the bed of choice. He does not bother anyone and we don’t bother him. The sleeper’s bed is his fortress, whether it consists of two pieces of cardboard or a stick hut carefully constructed by beavers. Although he is usually sleeping, I would love to see his face when he discovers my carefully placed leftovers, next to his box. Cheers to you… man who hasn’t moved an inch or said a word in 13 years.
The Crazy Screaming Man in the Middle of the Road
I think this title speaks for itself. *On a side note, he is my favorite crazy person. He is far enough away from me that he does not ask for money. If he did ask for money I wouldn’t be able to understand him anyways. He is deathly skinny and often resembles Jesus. If you look at him funny or yell back at him he may decide to chase you down, but you probably can out-run him because he will either:
- Get hit by a car
- Die from exhaustion after seven strides.
He or she has most likely collected cans at one point in life, but it is time for bigger and better enterprises. Since selling cans did not make enough profit, they decided to foolishly start selling batteries packaged in saran wrap or unconvincing “pure” bottled water. I know you are a wizard who could have easily transported the water from Fiji with the sway of your precious wand, but I am onto you buddy! I swear I saw you siphoning it from a puddle in Central Park. Please do us all a favor and go back to collecting cans. And PLEASE leave the sleeper alone, he does not want a job (I love it when I see two crazy guys trying to combine forces).
Shoeless The Entertainer
The way you jingle your change cup and sing “I’m a Maniac” in your raspy smoker’s voice- it puts a smile on my face every time. The crowded subway is your stage and you make it known, whether it’s with a tasteless Michael Jackson joke or a not so magical magic trick. You always seem to grab my attention. Next time when I give you change, don’t tell me it’s for Viagra, you are only like 33 years old.
The Homeless Guy Who Is Perfectly Fine Being Homeless.
This man can be found shirtless with the best tan ever. He wears a rag for underwear and lives in some picturesque tropical destination, right on the beach. He is immune to rattle snake venom, box jellyfish stings, e coli, deadly flies and just about anything else. Sometimes when I picture him on a beautiful beach, while I am home in the New York winters, I get extremely jealous.
The Crazy Guy Flying Signing The Sign
When I was five years old I saw this man in Times Square and his sign read: “Need money for Beer, Hooker and Drugs…I Ain’t Bullshittin!” It is no secret that you started a revolution because now I see a different guy with that sign at least three times a week. If that is still actually you after all these years and you have not died of HIV or liver damage, then boy do I have a frosty Old English with your name on it! Tell the guy with the “Insult me for 2 dollars sign” to copyright his sign, before the clones take over.
Note: I miss living in New York City